"These Few Presidents Frowning in My Pocket" - an '08 Music List

In no particular order, here is what I really liked listening to in 2008!

1 Why? - Alopecia
2 Horse Feathers - House with No Home*
3 Spiritualized - Songs in A&E
4 Bound Stems - The Family Afloat
5 Magnetic Fields - Distortion
6 Marnie Stern - This is it and I am it.... (really long title)
7 No Age - Nouns
8 Damien Jurado - Caught in the Trees
9 Breeders - Mountain Battles
10 Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight

And my favorite 2008 albums from bands in Portland, Oregon (my brand new hometown):

1 Au - Verbs
2 Parenthetical Girls - Entanglements
3 Blitzen Trapper - Furr
4 Starfucker - Starfucker
5 Shaky Hands - Lunglight

*(obviously, Horse Feathers fits into both categories)

Feel free to make recommendations; my ears are always open!

**DISCLAIMER-This list in no way represents the opinions of one Garrett Simpson and was made without his knowledge or participation.-DISCLAIMER**

"It doesn't really snow in Portland."

This is what I have been telling everyone ever since we moved here, and Portland has made me a liar. Usually people make the logical assumption that since Portland is on the 45th parallel north (which is the same as South Dakota, Minnesota, Maine, and the Canadian border) that it snows all the time and is bitterly cold in the winter. However, because it lies in the marine west coast climate region, it has mild winters and little snow.
SO... after explaining this over and over, it goes and snows - for DAYS! So, here are some photos of our beautiful, white Portland.

The Lone Fir Cemetery zombies are cold.

Garrett and our neighbor sledding

Sledding with the neighbors

Cold little mountain bike

Ladies & Gentlemen

Mr. Tom T. Hall



and Mr. Conway Twitty

Obligatory End-of-the-Year Lists

Seeing as how every other website and blog does some sort of "Best Of" or "Worst Of" list every December, it seems only fitting that I do one too. I'm not going to limit it to specific categories, so if I liked it (or hated it) in 2008, it's going to be on the list.

What Was Good About 2008

#7 VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew
This show is trash but I cannot get enough of it. Whenever you feel sorry for yourself and need a pick-me-up, watch this show. These "celebrities" are messed up. Unless your parents sold you into prostitution while stealing all of your money, your life could be worse.

#6 Babies and Karaoke
So there's this place in Birmingham called Bourbon Street. It's a ghetto karaoke joint that looks like it used to be a Pizza Hut. In fact, I think it actually was a Pizza Hut at some point. Anyways, I was introduced to this fine establishment towards the end of my time in Birmingham. I had such a good time at this place that we decided to have one of our last hoorah hoorahs there. While the place is intended to be a karaoke bar, the real reason to visit there are the babies. The fine folks at Bourbon Street make a drink out of gin, limes, and sugar water called babies. What makes these babies special is not their ingredients (even though at least 5 whole limes go into the making of each one), but the fact that they are served in full size pickle jars; the size you'd see at Sam's or Costco. The babies are served with the top on the jar so that you can continuously shake them (because shaking is what you do to babies). They also come with their own towel so to give you that extra needed grip when hoisting up the behemoths. Needless to say, the babies lead to some pretty incredible renditions of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" and Kansas' "Dust in the Wind". (photos copyright Cary Norton)

A hazy shot of a baby.

















Me ripping some bitchin' air guitar with vocals provided by Stephanie and Cary.




#5 The Master Cleanse
Never has not eating for two weeks and constantly visiting the bathroom been such a joyous occasion.

#4 Riskay
Without a doubt, she has the most effective way of makin' sure her boo ain't cheatin' on her. She's keepin' it so real that you can't embed her videos off of YouTube anymore. You'll have to click the link to see it. Trust me, it's worth the extra time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC8GTmX2G5w

#3 Europe (and what came with it)

Rubik, Albania (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Vienna, Austria with my brother, Trevor (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Prague, Czech Republic with Cary & John (photo copyright John Yam)

#2 Greg Oden
C'mon, how could he not be on the list. He's the reason I moved to Portland. And now that the Blazers are winning games and he's actually playing and hasn't gotten hurt I want to be friends with him even more. Greg, what do you think of making the best of the year list?

#1 Samwell
No evidence is needed other than this video to prove his claiming the top spot on the list. I don't care when it came out, I discovered him this year. I might just go ahead and give him the top spot in the best of 2009 too.

What Was Bad About 2008

#2 The Chicago Cubs

Alfonso Soriano & Kosuke Fukodome make me sick. I have a feeling that the Cubs will once again be on the list in 2009 unless they win the World Series.

#1 Merlin the Crazy Cab Driver
This is the guy that almost killed me, Cary, and John on the way from Albania to Croatia. I never want to wish any harm on anyone, but maybe he can contract a livable lifetime disease; perhaps herpes.













This is Merlin in the background. This was taken before our near death experience but I already seem to be upset at him. Foreshadowing I presume. He's got some beady little devil goat eyes. (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Master Cleanse Is Not A Rapper

I began doing the master cleanse yesterday. In an effort to document my experiences (and because people asked me to) I created another blog. If you should so choose, you may find it at:
http://mastercleanseisnotarapper.blogspot.com/

It might get a little graphic at some times, so you are forewarned.

Happy Halloween From the Big Pigs

PIGGY COLLE

This little piggy went to the market

PIGGY VICIOUS
This little piggy stayed home

PIGGY THOR
This little piggy ate roast beef

PIGGY BUTTERS
This little piggy ate none (yeah right)

I don't know why we thought this costume would fit any of our porkers. Maybe their humiliation will cause Thor and Butters to lose some weight.

More Money, More Problems. Less Money, More Problems. At What Level of Money Are There No More Problems?

So I come home from Europe and the financial markets are a mess. Everybody is scared and everybody is selling? Why? Because the guy next to him is selling and the guy next to that guy is selling too. A lot of people are losing money, which is unfortunate.

People have been asking/calling/writing me about whether or not I'm ready to jump off of a bridge because my main source of income is the stock market. This post is to put to rest any fears that you might have for me. Yes, I trade stocks for a living. However, because most of my market activities are of the day trading varieties, I am not hurt by a falling market. The joy of day trading is that I don't have to care what stocks do as long as they move. If they go up I buy and if they go down I short. The worst markets for me are the ones that do not move at all or are turbulent all day (i.e. up, down, up, down, etc...). I would love for all of the stocks to go up so that everyone makes money, but I am more than protected when they are down. It's really a luxury to have no emotional attachment to the stocks that I trade. However, if you are still worried about me, feel free to send me money.

People have also been asking/calling/writing me about what they should do. I personally think that now is a great time to be buying stocks for the long term. Yes, the stocks will continue to go down, but you nor I am smart/lucky enough to get the lowest price before a stock starts its ascension. In my opinion, there are more good companies getting beaten up for no other reason than fear than there are companies getting taken to the wood shed because they conducted bad business. If you are going to buy stocks and look at them everyday and worry, then maybe you should stick with a mutual fund. However, it would be wise in my opinion to do your research, find the undervalued good companies (it's not hard), buy stock in them, forget you even have stocks, and then look at your account in a few years and see how much money you've made.

These are just my opinions. I could be dead wrong. However, if I am wrong, I'll be the guy salting the french fries that you just pulled up out of the vat of oil. Maybe we can carpool to work together to save some money.

John Yam was nice enough to send me a link to an article on the Bloomberg website the other day. He's crazy, but this guy just might be our new hero:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aLmRPHKZLYmY&refer=home

Lahde Quits Hedge Funds, Thanks `Idiots' for Success (Update1)

By Katherine Burton

Oct. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Andrew Lahde, the hedge-fund manager who quit after posting an 870 percent gain last year, said farewell to clients in a letter that thanks stupid traders for making him rich and ends with a plea to legalize marijuana.

Lahde, head of Santa Monica, California-based Lahde Capital Management LLC, told investors last month he was returning their cash because the risk of using credit derivatives -- his means of betting on the falling value of bonds and loans, including subprime mortgages -- was too risky given the weakness of the banks he was trading with.

``I was in this game for money,'' Lahde, 37, wrote in a two-page letter today in which he said he had come to hate the hedge-fund business. ``The low-hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government.

``All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other sides of my trades. God Bless America.''

Lahde, who managed about $80 million, told clients he'll be content to invest his own money, rather than taking cash from wealthy individuals and institutions and trying to amass a fortune worth hundreds of millions or even billions of dollars.

``I do not understand the legacy thing,'' he wrote. ``Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.''

Request for Soros

He said he'd spend his time repairing his health ``as well as my entire life -- where I had to compete for spaces at universities, and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management -- with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not.''

He also suggested that billionaire George Soros sponsor a forum in which ``great minds'' would come together to create a new system of government, as the current system ``is clearly broken.''

Lahde ended his letter with a plea for the increased use of hemp as an alternative source of food and energy that segued into a call for the legalization of marijuana.

``Hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products,'' he wrote. ``Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term.''

`Innocuous Plant'

He added, ``The evil female plant -- marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country.''

Lahde said the only reason marijuana remains illegal is because ``Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other addictive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers.''

Lahde graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in finance and holds an MBA from the University of California, Los Angeles. He worked at Los Angeles-based hedge fund Dalton Investments LLC before founding his own firm two years ago with about $10 million.

Lahde wasn't available for comment. A woman at his firm, who asked not to be identified, confirmed the authenticity of the letter.

To contact the reporter on this story: Katherine Burton in New York at kburton@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: October 17, 2008 16:27 EDT


John also turned me onto http://sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com, a site with pics of market traders and their captions. It's pretty priceless.

Thank god this man’s head was there to deflect the market upward.

Nikkei, please.

The Return

I am home from Europe and readjusting to life without trains, passports, multi-linguists, and American portions. All in all it was a good trip. We ended up visiting:

Budapest, Hungary
Vienna, Austria
Prague, Czech Republic
Belgrade, Serbia
Rubik, Albania
Dubrovnik, Croatia

As expected, the trip was not without its mix ups and shenanigans but those are all forgivable and make for interesting stories. The only inexcusable event was the white knuckle cab ride from Rubik to Dubrovnik. Our Montenegrin "buddy" named Merlin gave us a ride in his cab from Montenegro to Albania. It was an hour and a half ride filled with loud techno music and excessive speeds on roads barely suitable for the livestock that occupied them. He cut us a "deal" and offered us a ride from Rubik to Dubrovnik, a five and a half hour journey. We accepted and hopped into his cab a few days later. Somewhere in the coastal cliffs of Croatia Merlin proceeded to give me what I hope to be my last near-death experience. Only a miracle of God prevented us from slamming into 4 oncoming vehicles, falling into the Adriatic Sea, or both. John and Cary were fortunate enough to sleep through everything but the screeching tires. I've never had a drinking problem but I'm still considering developing one because the memories of that event still haunt me.

Despite the death-defying cab rides, Albania was an incredible experience. My friend, Stephanie, is a Peace Corps volunteer in the small town of Rubik. I believe that it is the smallest city in the country that has a volunteer in it. The town has only one road in it and most people travel it as a means to get to Kosovo. Rubik is by no means a wasteland, but it is very simple and self sufficient. The people of the town could not have been more welcoming and warm. However, that is what the Albanian people are supposedly known for (that, and killing those who do you wrong). I'm not sure as to the validity of the statement, but we were supposedly that most Americans that have ever been in the city at one time.

Other highlights of the trip include visiting with my brother, Trevor, and seeing old and new friends in Vienna, wandering the streets of my favorite large European city (Prague), seeing the marble constructed tourist destination that is Dubrovnik, and getting a 500 billion dinar note in Belgrade. (I could scan the 50 billion dinar note, but c'mon, who wants to see that worthless piece of crap?)

While the trip was good, it's always nice to come home. I mean what's not to love about coming home to a fearful economy, a jittery stock market, and the Chicago Cubs being the Chicago Cubs and getting swept out of the first round of the playoffs?

(See Jimmy, that’s the New York Stock Exchange. That’s where people traded incredibly convoluted financial instruments that no one really understood until one day the whole thing went BOOM!) *taken from sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com

(Yes, there were pictures taken on our trip. However, none of them were taken by me. As soon as I get some I'll post them.)

PDX Music to Survive the Winter

Dear friends, I wanted to make you a Muxtape of the Portland bands I've been listening to lately, but my poor little Muxy is involved in some type of lawsuit that has shut down the website.

Oh well, you'll just have to suck it up and listen to this Mixwit tape.

Although I am not a member of the 'Cool Kids Who Make Music' club, I still think I'm a pretty good listener. And don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the old Portland standards (Decemberists, Thermals, Elliott Smith, Menomena.) I'm going to mix it up!

While Garrett is off carousing in Europe, I am at work cleaning up poop and getting wet, snotty kisses. But seriously, I LOVE my job.

I miss all of our visitors and hope somebody will come see me soon. I've been loving hanging out with the Killpack sisters and am so glad they live down the street! Now I'm just waiting for the Cooke sisters and Booth and Christopher to hurry up and get here! Speaking of the Cooke sisters, Christina wrote a fascinating post about her visit to Portland in her travel blog, "Out to See." Here's some photos from her visit.



*BBQ at the Killpack's



*Voodoo Donuts!



Hiking near Mount Adams

As I've looked over our posts from the past, I've noticed that we talk about all the exciting, new things we are doing and how wonderful Portland is. It sounds like our lives are perfect and that we are existing in some kind of utopia. But I really want to be honest and tell you that it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows (or should I say organic produce and bike rides). Moving across the country was alot harder than I thought it would be. I have felt lost and alone at times, and I miss all of my dearest friends and think of you guys every day.

I guess I'm just trying to say that the payoff has been great, but the sacrifice was kind of big too. So don't be down if you feel "stuck" in your town.

Love you guys.
xoxo

*photos by Christopher Bayerle

It's Like European Vacation Without Beverly D'Angelo or Being on Pig in a Poke

After a month and a half of lovely visitors, I'm checking out of the country for a while. Cary Norton, John Yam, and myself will be trekking across eastern Europe for three weeks beginning Tuesday. Where will we be going? I'm glad you asked. We will be visiting the following countries, perhaps in the following order:

Hungary
Slovakia
Austria
Czech Republic
Poland
Ukraine
Romania
Serbia
Montenegro
Croatia


We will undoubtedly get lost, but as long as the North Star shines brightly each night, we shall find our way.







Here is a clip of how I imagine my time in the Ukraine to go (Substitute "Garrett" for "Rusty"):


I realize that the clip is from the 80's, but my uninformed American mind assumes that eastern Europe is 20 years behind the rest of the civilized world.

What I'm looking forward to the most are 1)Visiting my brother, Trevor, in Vienna 2)Being pounded on by old men the size of bears at the Turkish baths in Budapest 3)Saying I've been to the Ukraine 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)Getting away from a city where it seems like every 10 seconds someone is trying to get you to register to vote, donate to Barack Obama, or save the world via Greenpeace

What I'm looking forward to the least are 1)Body odor 2)Cyrillic languages 3)Gypsies 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)United Airlines charging me $15 to check my bag

Please feel free to call/write/visit/feel sorry for Helen and the cats. I know that I'd miss me dearly if I were gone for almost a month. Also, if you could, please make sure that the Chicago Cubs hold on to win their division so that I can watch them in the playoffs upon my return.

I will return on October 1st with what I expect to be gobs of stories and photos.

Until then,

xoxoGarrettxoxo

J-Hole Digging

I am back from Jackson Hole! That place is so beautiful. And one of its most thrilling attractions is the lovely Laura Cooke.



I had such a wonderful time laughing, cooking, eating, backpacking, going for walks, seeing buffalo, going to the music festival, buying "friendship rings," making s'mores, going to a terrible bar with terrible bands and terrible drunk people, and basically tearing up the town. She's pretty much my favorite.
Our backpacking trip was so great. It had been awhile since I had hiked some serious elevation. Curiously enough, the only thing it affected was the number of times I had to use the "Poop Shovel." Let's just say I left behind lots of little "mementos" of my stay in the Tetons.



We started one morning and hiked uphill for the first 7 miles. We only had a permit to camp in Upper Paintbrush, which we reached at around 1pm or so... so we got to play, nap, cook, and make s'mores for the rest of the day! Yay!











The next day we hiked the Pass and topped out at about 10,700 ft. It was so cold up there! But incredibly beautiful. After the Pass, the last 12 miles passed by Lake Solitude and some really gorgeous wildflowers.











We saw the cutest bear EVER and an unhappy moose. Apparently, if a moose is mad he grunts, sticks out his tongue, and pins back his ears. Laura snapped the photo and we got out of there as fast as we could. We would rather meet a nice bear than a grouchy moose anyday.





We also went to the Jackson Hole Music Festival. There was lots of peace, love, noodling, and "organic partying" going on. The best of the festival were these guys:



and Kaki King:



So now it's back to real life, I guess! I started training for work this week. The kids don't come until Sept. 2, but there is alot of work to do! Also, Garrett and I are looking forward to a visit from his parents. They are always so much fun!

Let us know how you're doing! We miss you all.

"What are those nuts up to now?" - Reggie the Reckless, Friday the 13th Part V: The New Beginning

Incredibly, it's now been a month since I last posted and expounded upon Thor's tangle with Baghead. I'm happy to report that there have been no further encounters between the two. However, Thor is still mortified of the sound of a paper bag being crumpled.

Last week we had the pleasure of hosting John Yam and Cary Norton of Atlanta and Birmingham respectively. From the moment they arrived it was a non-stop 7 days of action. Among the highlights:

• Going to the old school arcade/bar, Ground Kontrol, to get our fill of classic video games and PBR. Cary, John, and I proceeded in playing and defeating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game. Not to toot my own horn, but a better Donatello has never been played. Helen sat back and watched with stars in her eyes. John and I also got into a heated battle of NBA Jams that took place over a series of days. I lost the series, got a sore wrist, and managed to relinquish all of my possessions and 29th birthday to John. On a happy note, John ran into the girl of his dreams not once, but twice, on two separate visits there. More on her to come.
  

(John is obviously pleased in our defeat of TMNT. However, my scowl displays my attitude of being the baddest/toughest man in the place at that moment.)

• Driving to the Oregon coast and exploring Ecola State Park. The park is located near Cannon Beach where Haystack Rock, the famous rock in The Goonies is located.

While our shot is taken from a little higher up, it's basically the same shot. Ironically, Mikey is supposed to be lining Haystack Rock up in the doubloon in the film but it is actually behind his left shoulder in the scene. It is the big rock in the distance in our shot. There were no sightings of One-Eyed Willy or Sloth. However, there was a man who was convinced he was seeing penguins; flying penguins at that.

• Fleshing out a long-lived desire of creating a gaudy hoodie club. John and I have discussed this for a few years now. We decided to start the club after walking into Upper Playground, conveniently located across the street from Ground Kontrol. Cary is also going to be a member of the club once he settles on a design. We are currently accepting new members to our club.

John's hoodie is covered with bottles of malt liquor. Mine is covered with various stock market quotes and had a picture of a bull and bear fighting inside of the hood. I wear it when the market opens each day now. Who needs a power suit?

• Going dancing at Holocene. Those of you who know me best know that I don't dance. I don't know what got into me. John proceeded to run into his new obsession for a third time. She is affectionately known as Poofhawk because she was sporting a poofy mohawk-type hairstyle. However, John was dancing with his upper body parallel to the floor too much to strike up much of a conversation. Poofhawk has officially been added to the list of people I'm trying to find. Move over Greg Oden.
• Eating more food than what was previously believed to be humanly possible. Seriously, I'm still full. You can learn a lot about a place by the food it serves. After this visit, Cary and John should be able to lead seminars on Portland.

What lies ahead for us now? Helen will be leaving this week for Jackson Hole, WY to visit her friend, Laura. My friends, Laura and Kevin, from Birmingham will be visiting next weekend. My parents, Kurt and Trix-e, will be visiting from Santa Fe, NM the first part of September. Upon their departure I will be leaving for a 3 week trek across eastern Europe with John and Cary. More on that to come.