It's Like European Vacation Without Beverly D'Angelo or Being on Pig in a Poke

After a month and a half of lovely visitors, I'm checking out of the country for a while. Cary Norton, John Yam, and myself will be trekking across eastern Europe for three weeks beginning Tuesday. Where will we be going? I'm glad you asked. We will be visiting the following countries, perhaps in the following order:

Hungary
Slovakia
Austria
Czech Republic
Poland
Ukraine
Romania
Serbia
Montenegro
Croatia


We will undoubtedly get lost, but as long as the North Star shines brightly each night, we shall find our way.







Here is a clip of how I imagine my time in the Ukraine to go (Substitute "Garrett" for "Rusty"):


I realize that the clip is from the 80's, but my uninformed American mind assumes that eastern Europe is 20 years behind the rest of the civilized world.

What I'm looking forward to the most are 1)Visiting my brother, Trevor, in Vienna 2)Being pounded on by old men the size of bears at the Turkish baths in Budapest 3)Saying I've been to the Ukraine 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)Getting away from a city where it seems like every 10 seconds someone is trying to get you to register to vote, donate to Barack Obama, or save the world via Greenpeace

What I'm looking forward to the least are 1)Body odor 2)Cyrillic languages 3)Gypsies 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)United Airlines charging me $15 to check my bag

Please feel free to call/write/visit/feel sorry for Helen and the cats. I know that I'd miss me dearly if I were gone for almost a month. Also, if you could, please make sure that the Chicago Cubs hold on to win their division so that I can watch them in the playoffs upon my return.

I will return on October 1st with what I expect to be gobs of stories and photos.

Until then,

xoxoGarrettxoxo

J-Hole Digging

I am back from Jackson Hole! That place is so beautiful. And one of its most thrilling attractions is the lovely Laura Cooke.



I had such a wonderful time laughing, cooking, eating, backpacking, going for walks, seeing buffalo, going to the music festival, buying "friendship rings," making s'mores, going to a terrible bar with terrible bands and terrible drunk people, and basically tearing up the town. She's pretty much my favorite.
Our backpacking trip was so great. It had been awhile since I had hiked some serious elevation. Curiously enough, the only thing it affected was the number of times I had to use the "Poop Shovel." Let's just say I left behind lots of little "mementos" of my stay in the Tetons.



We started one morning and hiked uphill for the first 7 miles. We only had a permit to camp in Upper Paintbrush, which we reached at around 1pm or so... so we got to play, nap, cook, and make s'mores for the rest of the day! Yay!











The next day we hiked the Pass and topped out at about 10,700 ft. It was so cold up there! But incredibly beautiful. After the Pass, the last 12 miles passed by Lake Solitude and some really gorgeous wildflowers.











We saw the cutest bear EVER and an unhappy moose. Apparently, if a moose is mad he grunts, sticks out his tongue, and pins back his ears. Laura snapped the photo and we got out of there as fast as we could. We would rather meet a nice bear than a grouchy moose anyday.





We also went to the Jackson Hole Music Festival. There was lots of peace, love, noodling, and "organic partying" going on. The best of the festival were these guys:



and Kaki King:



So now it's back to real life, I guess! I started training for work this week. The kids don't come until Sept. 2, but there is alot of work to do! Also, Garrett and I are looking forward to a visit from his parents. They are always so much fun!

Let us know how you're doing! We miss you all.

"What are those nuts up to now?" - Reggie the Reckless, Friday the 13th Part V: The New Beginning

Incredibly, it's now been a month since I last posted and expounded upon Thor's tangle with Baghead. I'm happy to report that there have been no further encounters between the two. However, Thor is still mortified of the sound of a paper bag being crumpled.

Last week we had the pleasure of hosting John Yam and Cary Norton of Atlanta and Birmingham respectively. From the moment they arrived it was a non-stop 7 days of action. Among the highlights:

• Going to the old school arcade/bar, Ground Kontrol, to get our fill of classic video games and PBR. Cary, John, and I proceeded in playing and defeating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game. Not to toot my own horn, but a better Donatello has never been played. Helen sat back and watched with stars in her eyes. John and I also got into a heated battle of NBA Jams that took place over a series of days. I lost the series, got a sore wrist, and managed to relinquish all of my possessions and 29th birthday to John. On a happy note, John ran into the girl of his dreams not once, but twice, on two separate visits there. More on her to come.
  

(John is obviously pleased in our defeat of TMNT. However, my scowl displays my attitude of being the baddest/toughest man in the place at that moment.)

• Driving to the Oregon coast and exploring Ecola State Park. The park is located near Cannon Beach where Haystack Rock, the famous rock in The Goonies is located.

While our shot is taken from a little higher up, it's basically the same shot. Ironically, Mikey is supposed to be lining Haystack Rock up in the doubloon in the film but it is actually behind his left shoulder in the scene. It is the big rock in the distance in our shot. There were no sightings of One-Eyed Willy or Sloth. However, there was a man who was convinced he was seeing penguins; flying penguins at that.

• Fleshing out a long-lived desire of creating a gaudy hoodie club. John and I have discussed this for a few years now. We decided to start the club after walking into Upper Playground, conveniently located across the street from Ground Kontrol. Cary is also going to be a member of the club once he settles on a design. We are currently accepting new members to our club.

John's hoodie is covered with bottles of malt liquor. Mine is covered with various stock market quotes and had a picture of a bull and bear fighting inside of the hood. I wear it when the market opens each day now. Who needs a power suit?

• Going dancing at Holocene. Those of you who know me best know that I don't dance. I don't know what got into me. John proceeded to run into his new obsession for a third time. She is affectionately known as Poofhawk because she was sporting a poofy mohawk-type hairstyle. However, John was dancing with his upper body parallel to the floor too much to strike up much of a conversation. Poofhawk has officially been added to the list of people I'm trying to find. Move over Greg Oden.
• Eating more food than what was previously believed to be humanly possible. Seriously, I'm still full. You can learn a lot about a place by the food it serves. After this visit, Cary and John should be able to lead seminars on Portland.

What lies ahead for us now? Helen will be leaving this week for Jackson Hole, WY to visit her friend, Laura. My friends, Laura and Kevin, from Birmingham will be visiting next weekend. My parents, Kurt and Trix-e, will be visiting from Santa Fe, NM the first part of September. Upon their departure I will be leaving for a 3 week trek across eastern Europe with John and Cary. More on that to come.

"Why Portland?"

We've been asked this question in almost every conversation we've had, it seems. I ran across this video in the Portland Mercury, done recently by MTV. (Who knew they were producing anything besides reality TV shows, right?)
Anyway, I agree with what the bands they interviewed had to say and feel like it sums up alot of the reasons why we're here.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

This weekend, most of the smaller bands featured in this video are playing at PDX Pop Now! - a FREE, all ages, local band-only music festival. How cool is that?

So, pack the electric guitar and four cats into your Subaru Outback and find out for yourself. Or you can just get the PDX Pop Now Compilation CD, hole up in your basement, and pretend. (I should work for the Board of Tourism, seriously.)

5 days, 15 hours, 18 minutes and 48 seconds

...until John Yam and Cary Norton arrive in Portland, Oregon.

We are so excited. Look out cougars, casinos, and Union Jack's.
The next few days will include a cat hair cleanup effort the likes of which Thor, Colle, Vicious, and Butters have never seen. (Cary has cat allergies.) We're hoping Cary's trip to Casa de los Gatos will not kill him but make him stronger.

One of the highlights of the past two weeks was a Saturday spent at the Clackamas River with our friends/neighbors, Joe and Keiko. We fished for trout in a "You catch, we clean" pond. Keiko caught the first fish, Joe was impressed with my worm-baiting skills, and Garrett caught the biggest fish of the day.



After fishing, we went to McIver State Park and cooked our fishies, waded around in the river, and hiked a little bit. What a great day!

We've also been to the International Beer Festival in the Pearl District, had some good pizza at Apizza Scholls, found a great sushi restaurant called Yoko's, and explored some new neighborhoods.





I've been spending lots of time in Laurelhurst Park, enjoying the breezy 80 degree weather and thinking about all you suckers roasting in Birmingham!



In other news, Thor has made a full recovery from the Baghead incident. Good thing, cuz those diapers were getting expensive. Also, there's a shocking development in the Battle for Alpha Cat. Out of nowhere, Vicious enters the picture, popping Butters a good one. Butters gets points deducted for his bloody nose; Vicious makes her Alpha Cat debut.
Butters: 10
Colle: 35
Vicious: 10

Thor vs. Baghead Pt. II

So, I decided to conduct an experiment a few minutes ago. Given Thor's erratic behavior yesterday, I felt the need to know if he was having a bad urinary day or if he's really afraid of Baghead. I proceeded to place a paper sack over my head and make noises similar to those that I made yesterday. Well, I can now say with 100% certainty that Thor is pee-in-his-pants afraid of Baghead. His stream was even worse today than it was yesterday. He managed to get in on the rug, TV, entertainment stand, window sill, and window shade. I don't know how he managed to get pee everywhere. It's similar to discovering hairs in impossible to reach areas of your shower but worse. Thor is now holed up inside of the box spring in the spare bedroom. God knows when he'll come out. Lesson learned.

Amazingly, I was able to capture a picture of Thor moments ago. I have no idea where he got the "THOR: Big Baby" t-shirt or the diapers, but as you can see, he already stained them. Tsk tsk.

Helen goes to preschool

(Portland band we like)

Well, I know you were all worried about me. You can relax now because I GOT A JOB! That's right, I will begin teaching at a preschool/kindergarten that can best be described as "hippie." You guys know that's the way I like things. Some of what I'll be doing with the kids: gardening, baking, singing, talking about 'Mother Earth,' cleaning up 'accidents,' talking about 'respecting each other and ourselves,' feeding them organic vegetarian meals, doing art projects revolving around nature, etc. (you get the idea.)
Anyway, all of this sounds like heaven to me (except the cleaning up accidents part) and I am very excited. The people I'll be working for are really cool, and the preschool is in two old houses within walking distance of our place. Yay! OK, enough shop talk.

Portland is cooling off, so we've been outside enjoying it. We took a picnic to Mt. Tabor to watch the fireworks on the 4th. We went to the Farmer's Market with our lovely neighbors. G. got some big slimy oysters, so he and our neighbor shucked them, ewww. We ate a bunch of food and gazed upon the beauty that is Thor's manhood and had a great time.

Yesterday, G. and I went to see the movie "Baghead." It is made by the people who did "The Puffy Chair," (which I hated) and has the girl from "Hannah Takes the Stairs," which I saw at the Sidewalk Film Festival with Leah last year (and liked).



When we got home from the movie, Garrett snuck up behind me with a bag on his head. I wasn't really phased, so he started walking towards the cats making noises. They all went running, and Thor got so scared that he began peeing and running at the same time. There was a trail of pee from the bathroom all the way under the bed.

So, that's pretty much the most exciting thing happening here at the Oregon Tail. What are you guys up to?


Upcoming events:

• Valient Thorr at the Hawthorne on Friday!

• 2008 US Open Footbag Championship (Footbag = Hackeysack)

• Sand in the City (They fill Pioneer Square with tons of sand. There's a sand sculpting contest.)

*There is an internal dispute over the current leader of alpha cat. A suitable resolution involving some type of contest between the two competitors will be devised and reported upon. Until then, Thor unanimously takes the title of "biggest puss."