The Oregon Tail

Born 2 B Fly

2009-06-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

The Fly Girlz are 12 year olds from Brooklyn. They've been on Morning Edition and were part of the Endangered Music Project.

After recovering from an evil flu virus (not swine), I am now enjoying the lovely Portland weather in the parks and at the coast with friends. I took a day trip to Cape Lookout and had ice cream at the Tillamook Factory. And of course I've been hanging out at Laurelhurst Park with some Cook's and OJ.

Cape Lookout, Oregon (photo stolen from internet.)

Mimosas in Laurelhurst 2008

After finishing my personal yoga challenge, my yoga studio put on an official one: 20 classes in the month of April. I finished the last class on April 30 in an 110 degree room with sweat and tears dripping down my face. For this amazing physical feat, I was the winner of a t-shirt and inner peace.

Garrett just returned from a trip to Birmingham. I will let him tell you about it and about his first day of Culinary School (which starts tomorrow)! I can't wait for the gourmet meals to start rolling in.

Teaching is going great. We recently had a May Faire, complete with a May pole, juggler, kid's band, balloon artist, face painting, and puppet show. It went swimmingly, and the everyone had a great time. We also had an art opening at New Seasons on Saturday. The kids were so excited to see their canvases on the wall with photos and bios. I am so thankful for my job and the wonderful people I work with. Now if I could just get the Alligator Song out of my head.

Speaking of music, I recently got to see some old friends and some great music at the Doug Fir. Check out their new albums, they are good.

The Wooden Birds

Other Lives

BORK BORK BORK BORK

2009-05-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's been in the works for a little while, but I can now say that I have applied to, been accepted by, and will be attending the Oregon Culinary Institute. I figured that after graduating with a finance degree and trading stocks for almost the last 10 years, culinary school would be the next logical choice. It makes perfect sense doesn't it? I will be going for my culinary arts diploma starting June 9, and if all goes according to plan, will be completing the program in February of next year.

Since moving to Portland, I have become more interested in food and its creation and preparation. I've always been interested in eating it, except for the times I'm doing the Master Cleanse. Portland is a hotbed of culinary creation, and paired with its incredible wine, beer, and spirits industry, I cannot think of a better spot to learn than here. Although not entirely devoted to food, you can get a better feel for Portland's food culture in this recent New York Times article about the city.

Here's the part where I try to answer some of the questions that you might have:

No, I do not have to wear a chef's hat; a baseball hat will suffice
I have no idea how I'm going to do the master cleanse when I am required to eat food everyday
No, I do not watch cooking shows. I watch Anthony Bourdain on occasion, but that only half-counts because he's getting drunk most of the time
I do not have a desired specialty as of yet. That will come with time
Yes, I'm sure that I'll cut at least one finger off. Thankfully, they grow back, as I learned a few years ago.
No, I do not consider myself a good cook now. I have never made anything requiring more than 5 ingredients. That doesn't mean that I don't like to do it though. Graduation will occur in my mind when herbs and spices no longer scare me and I know what flambe means.

Everything Else

The new job is still going well. I'm still working on my dough tossing skills. Apparently Porlanders have never experienced a server from the south because all of the customers think that I'm the nicest person ever. My boss won't let me leave work without drinking a beer.

Helen completed her yoga challenge. I'll let her tell you about it.

The cats are still doing well. Thor's been taking advantage of the springtime sun and sunning himself by the window. I put on some Manu Chao for him to increase the tropical vibe. It's supposed to be in the upper 80's this weekend, so I might be joining him.

Have you ever said to yourself, "Self, with all of the movies that are out there, how am I supposed to watch them all?" Well, 2 blogs have been created to help you out by offering movie reviews. First, there's the amazing 2 Guys 1 Blog 0 Job that my friend John and I started a few months back. Then there's James' These Movies Are Making Me Thirsty. If you like 3rd grade writing and not-so-subtle insults aimed at me, then you might might find his effort funny in the way you find midgets wrestling to be funny.

I've been listening to these songs lately:

The Portland Trail Blazers lost in 6 games to the Houston Rockets in the 1st round of the NBA playoffs. I have not watched a game since. They did well this year and much better than anyone expected, so good job, guys. I've begun cheering for Chris "Birdman" Andersen now. He's such a tool that I can't help but love him. He'd lead the league in blocked shots if he started. He does one of two things after a good play: 1) flaps his arms like a bird or 2) runs his fingers through his hair. Fly, Birdman, fly.

Springtime

2009-04-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

Springtime is here, and as Helen and I approach our 1 year anniversary of being in Portland, I thought it would be nice to update everyone as to what I've been up to lately. All Helen does is teach pre-schoolers and do yoga these days. That makes me Mr. Excitement. Well, here goes:

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Man, this show makes my day. If you know my sense of humor, you can understand why I love this show. What's even more amazing is the story of how it came to be. You can check that out here. Rumor has it that the guys made the pilot for $85 and sent it in to FX. The channel liked the pilot so much that they picked up the show and ordered additional seasons. The fourth season has finished up and season 5 starts sometime later this year. You owe it to yourself to watch it. Here's a clip from the episode, "Sweet Dee Is Dating a Retarded Person" (you might need to sign up for a Hulu account to view this but it only takes a minute and lets you watch t.v. shows for free online)

Breaking Bad
A show about a high school chemistry teacher dying of cancer who starts cooking and selling meth in order to leave his family enough money to survive without him. If that's not intriguing enough, it stars Brian Cranston, the dad from Malcolm in the Middle. The show is like Weeds, but without the rich-lady-is-too-lazy-to-get-a-job-and-doesn't-want-to-lose-her-cushy-standard-of-living feel to it.

The Portland Trail Blazers
I'll admit, I was not a Blazers fan when I moved to Portland. I was barely even an NBA fan. However, as previous posts have explained, I have an affinity for Greg Oden and I wanted to support him. I have watched almost every game this year and went to some in person when I could. As the season went on I became more and more enamored with the team. When they lost, I would be genuinely upset. They've had a rough past 10 years or so, but this is a team you can cheer for and not feel bad. As fun as they were to love, the Jail Blazers are no more.

Well, the Blazers are back in the playoffs for the first time in 6 years. I went to Game 1 of their series against the Houston Rockets and saw them get destroyed. Game 2 was a great game that saw the Blazers come out on top. Games 3 and 4 are this weekend in Houston. If you should choose to watch any of the games, which I highly recommend, let me introduce you to some of my favorite Blazers.

I've already told you about Greg Oden. If you watch a game and look at his hair, it looks like he's been wearing a bike helmet his entire life because of the permanent lines that run along his head.

Rudy Fernandez is every girl in Portland's favorite player. He comes from Spain. He has machismo. He can dunk the ball and shoot 3 pointers incredibly well. While it has not been proven, I believe that he wears only a black Speedo and a gold chain while walking around town. His English is terrible, but the ladies don't seem to mind.

With nicknames like "The Vanilla Gorilla" and "Thrilla" how can you not like Joel Przybilla? Also, after getting fined by the NBA for his role in a skirmish, his grandmother wrote David Stern (the commisioner of the NBA) a letter telling him to repeal the fine.

His name is Travis Outlaw. He's the son of a sheriff. He's from Mississippi. He sounds just like Eddie Murphy. He never met a shot he didn't like. He'd shoot a faberge egg in the basket if he got a hold of one.

The Chicago Cubs
With spring comes the beginning of baseball season. With baseball season comes the hope that the Cubs will make the playoffs and actually advance and play up to their talent level. I'm still sour about last year's playoff performance but I'm back again this year for more punishment.

A Job
It took forever, but I've finally convinced someone to give me a job. I'll be working at a pizza pub that is getting ready to open up. Yeah, pizza, I've never done that before. I haven't officially started yet, but I'll let you know how it is when I have. I've got other plans in the works, but I'll tell more of them when they become more concrete.

The Beach
The weather has warmed up nicely and we've had a handful of 75+ degree days here within the past few weeks. There's an island about 10 miles outside of town on the Columbia River that has beaches. I'm proud to report that my tan is already better here than it was in Birmingham. Maybe me and Rudy Fernandez can go together in matching Speedos.

Everything Else
- The cats are doing well. Butters is still on his diet and is down to 17 lbs. now. His weight loss has slowed but his desire to annoy Colle, Vicious, and Thor has not.
- If you're looking to increase your online novel reading, our friends Kevin and Carrie in Birmingham have started an online novel that they post in blog form. They release one chapter a week. It's call Some New Trend. Check it out.
- Sorry for the lack of pictures of Portland and what we've been up to. My camera is broken and Helen's is on the out and out too. The cats' drawing skills have improved but are nowhere near publishable.

Yoga Challenge, aka I Should Invest in a Gas Mask

2009-03-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

So, it's been awhile! We have all been doing fine. Everything is pretty 'routine' and 'normal.' That is, if you can call subjecting yourself to the body odor and flatulence of strangers in an 108 degree room 'normal.' That's right, I'm doing yoga. My goal is to attend classes for 14 consecutive days at Yoga Union Community Center in Southeast Portland. Some of the classes I've been taking are hot yoga, hot flow, vinyasa, core, and yin. I am really loving it and am already feeling stronger, more energetic, and less stressed. Even though sometimes it sounds a bit like this in class:

What else is going on? Garrett is currently in Santa Fe visiting Kurt and Trix-e for Trix-e's birthday. There are friends in town from Birmingham, and it feels strange to have such a large group of Alabamians wandering around the rainy city.
Butters' weight loss plan seems to be working. He's lost 2 lbs. and is looking slimmer every day. We are so proud of him!

Butters' Current Weight: 17.4 lbs
Goal Weight: 14 lbs.

I also took a sewing class and managed to complete it without injury to myself or others, which, in my estimation, is success! Here is my beloved pillowcase:

Also - Birmingham, get ready! I am coming your way at midnight on March 23. It will have been almost a year since I saw you last, and I have missed you. Anyone and everyone who wants to hang out is encouraged to call. My number has not changed.

~Ciao bellas!

2 Months in a Couple Hundred Words (and a few pictures)

2009-02-09T16:01:00.001-08:00

Happy 2009! I apologize that this is my first post in almost 2 months. Here's what's been going on:

1) Helen and I left the snow in Portland on Christmas day to visit my parents in Santa Fe, NM. We ate and drank a ton, went blind doing a gazillion-piece jigsaw puzzle, watched college football, and went snowshoeing and snowboarding. I saw my first ever coyote and he appropriately took a crap in the middle of the road. I expected nothing less. We had a great time, as we always do.

2) We came back to Portland on New Year's Eve and since the beginning of 2009 I've been looking for a new job. I "retired" from the day trading business because the uncertainty of my earnings was getting to me. It's difficult to budget when you don't know how much money you'll make (or potentially lose) in a given month. My heart was no longer in it and I decided to move on. I figured that with Barack Obama becoming president on the 20th, I'd receive an envelope with a job in it no later than the 24th. No dice. I didn't vote, but if I did and had voted for him, I'd be pissed. I thought this guy was supposed to be a savior. I don't know about the rest of America, but I'm putting my full faith in Aaron Neville. Ye-hes-hes-hes-hes he-e-e-e-e ca-a-a-a-an! (Spoken like Mr. Neville himself)

3) I went to go see Stella perform at the Aladdin Theater on inauguration night. Stella is comedy group made up of Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, and David Wain. I grew up watching them on The State on MTV. They've also been involved in the movies Wet Hot American Summer, The Ten, and The Baxter. Helen and I saw Michael Showalter over the summer when the Mission Theater showed Wet Hot American Summer and then had a Q & A with him afterwards. Funny, funny stuff.

4) Pub Trivia. What better place to showcase my knowledge of otherwise useless information. I wowed my team and the competition with my knowledge of Baywatch. Did you know that Elvis had a twin brother who died at birth? Neither did I until I went to trivia. Cru Jones and the Helltrack Racers will one day win the pot.

5) Because I have no regular job to go to I've started the Master Cleanse again. It's almost over. I didn't post my adventures with it this time. Let's just say that everything is flowing smoothly.

6) Anticipation for the new/remake of Friday the 13th. The Friday the 13th movie series holds a special place in my heart, as many of you know. I don't think the movies are screen gems by any means, but I do find them to be highly entertaining. I will one day write a thesis on how I believe that Jason Voorhees is an angel of God sent to kill promiscuous youth. If you've been to our place before, you know that I have an autographed picture of Jason proclaiming that "You're Next!" It hangs proudly next to my autographed picture of the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. I'm hoping that Michael Bay doesn't screw this up with too many explosions. I wouldn't put it past him to try and sneak in some Transformers.

"These Few Presidents Frowning in My Pocket" - an '08 Music List

2008-12-20T16:29:00.000-08:00

In no particular order, here is what I really liked listening to in 2008!

1 Why? - Alopecia
2 Horse Feathers - House with No Home*
3 Spiritualized - Songs in A&E
4 Bound Stems - The Family Afloat
5 Magnetic Fields - Distortion
6 Marnie Stern - This is it and I am it.... (really long title)
7 No Age - Nouns
8 Damien Jurado - Caught in the Trees
9 Breeders - Mountain Battles
10 Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight

And my favorite 2008 albums from bands in Portland, Oregon (my brand new hometown):

1 Au - Verbs
2 Parenthetical Girls - Entanglements
3 Blitzen Trapper - Furr
4 Starfucker - Starfucker
5 Shaky Hands - Lunglight

*(obviously, Horse Feathers fits into both categories)

Feel free to make recommendations; my ears are always open!

**DISCLAIMER-This list in no way represents the opinions of one Garrett Simpson and was made without his knowledge or participation.-DISCLAIMER**

"It doesn't really snow in Portland."

2008-12-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

This is what I have been telling everyone ever since we moved here, and Portland has made me a liar. Usually people make the logical assumption that since Portland is on the 45th parallel north (which is the same as South Dakota, Minnesota, Maine, and the Canadian border) that it snows all the time and is bitterly cold in the winter. However, because it lies in the marine west coast climate region, it has mild winters and little snow.
SO... after explaining this over and over, it goes and snows - for DAYS! So, here are some photos of our beautiful, white Portland.

The Lone Fir Cemetery zombies are cold.

Garrett and our neighbor sledding

Sledding with the neighbors

Cold little mountain bike

Ladies & Gentlemen

2008-12-17T09:11:00.000-08:00

Mr. Tom T. Hall

and Mr. Conway Twitty

Obligatory End-of-the-Year Lists

2008-12-07T18:38:00.001-08:00

Seeing as how every other website and blog does some sort of "Best Of" or "Worst Of" list every December, it seems only fitting that I do one too. I'm not going to limit it to specific categories, so if I liked it (or hated it) in 2008, it's going to be on the list.

What Was Good About 2008

#7 VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew
This show is trash but I cannot get enough of it. Whenever you feel sorry for yourself and need a pick-me-up, watch this show. These "celebrities" are messed up. Unless your parents sold you into prostitution while stealing all of your money, your life could be worse.

#6 Babies and Karaoke
So there's this place in Birmingham called Bourbon Street. It's a ghetto karaoke joint that looks like it used to be a Pizza Hut. In fact, I think it actually was a Pizza Hut at some point. Anyways, I was introduced to this fine establishment towards the end of my time in Birmingham. I had such a good time at this place that we decided to have one of our last hoorah hoorahs there. While the place is intended to be a karaoke bar, the real reason to visit there are the babies. The fine folks at Bourbon Street make a drink out of gin, limes, and sugar water called babies. What makes these babies special is not their ingredients (even though at least 5 whole limes go into the making of each one), but the fact that they are served in full size pickle jars; the size you'd see at Sam's or Costco. The babies are served with the top on the jar so that you can continuously shake them (because shaking is what you do to babies). They also come with their own towel so to give you that extra needed grip when hoisting up the behemoths. Needless to say, the babies lead to some pretty incredible renditions of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" and Kansas' "Dust in the Wind". (photos copyright Cary Norton)

A hazy shot of a baby.

Me ripping some bitchin' air guitar with vocals provided by Stephanie and Cary.

#5 The Master Cleanse
Never has not eating for two weeks and constantly visiting the bathroom been such a joyous occasion.

#4 Riskay
Without a doubt, she has the most effective way of makin' sure her boo ain't cheatin' on her. She's keepin' it so real that you can't embed her videos off of YouTube anymore. You'll have to click the link to see it. Trust me, it's worth the extra time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC8GTmX2G5w

#3 Europe (and what came with it)

Rubik, Albania (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Vienna, Austria with my brother, Trevor (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Prague, Czech Republic with Cary & John (photo copyright John Yam)

#2 Greg Oden
C'mon, how could he not be on the list. He's the reason I moved to Portland. And now that the Blazers are winning games and he's actually playing and hasn't gotten hurt I want to be friends with him even more. Greg, what do you think of making the best of the year list?

#1 Samwell
No evidence is needed other than this video to prove his claiming the top spot on the list. I don't care when it came out, I discovered him this year. I might just go ahead and give him the top spot in the best of 2009 too.

What Was Bad About 2008

#2 The Chicago Cubs

Alfonso Soriano & Kosuke Fukodome make me sick. I have a feeling that the Cubs will once again be on the list in 2009 unless they win the World Series.

#1 Merlin the Crazy Cab Driver
This is the guy that almost killed me, Cary, and John on the way from Albania to Croatia. I never want to wish any harm on anyone, but maybe he can contract a livable lifetime disease; perhaps herpes.

This is Merlin in the background. This was taken before our near death experience but I already seem to be upset at him. Foreshadowing I presume. He's got some beady little devil goat eyes. (photo copyright Cary Norton)

Master Cleanse Is Not A Rapper

2008-10-28T14:07:00.001-07:00

I began doing the master cleanse yesterday. In an effort to document my experiences (and because people asked me to) I created another blog. If you should so choose, you may find it at:
http://mastercleanseisnotarapper.blogspot.com/

It might get a little graphic at some times, so you are forewarned.

Happy Halloween From the Big Pigs

2008-10-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

PIGGY COLLE

This little piggy went to the market

PIGGY VICIOUS
This little piggy stayed home

PIGGY THOR
This little piggy ate roast beef

PIGGY BUTTERS
This little piggy ate none (yeah right)

I don't know why we thought this costume would fit any of our porkers. Maybe their humiliation will cause Thor and Butters to lose some weight.

More Money, More Problems. Less Money, More Problems. At What Level of Money Are There No More Problems?

2008-10-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

So I come home from Europe and the financial markets are a mess. Everybody is scared and everybody is selling? Why? Because the guy next to him is selling and the guy next to that guy is selling too. A lot of people are losing money, which is unfortunate.

People have been asking/calling/writing me about whether or not I'm ready to jump off of a bridge because my main source of income is the stock market. This post is to put to rest any fears that you might have for me. Yes, I trade stocks for a living. However, because most of my market activities are of the day trading varieties, I am not hurt by a falling market. The joy of day trading is that I don't have to care what stocks do as long as they move. If they go up I buy and if they go down I short. The worst markets for me are the ones that do not move at all or are turbulent all day (i.e. up, down, up, down, etc...). I would love for all of the stocks to go up so that everyone makes money, but I am more than protected when they are down. It's really a luxury to have no emotional attachment to the stocks that I trade. However, if you are still worried about me, feel free to send me money.

People have also been asking/calling/writing me about what they should do. I personally think that now is a great time to be buying stocks for the long term. Yes, the stocks will continue to go down, but you nor I am smart/lucky enough to get the lowest price before a stock starts its ascension. In my opinion, there are more good companies getting beaten up for no other reason than fear than there are companies getting taken to the wood shed because they conducted bad business. If you are going to buy stocks and look at them everyday and worry, then maybe you should stick with a mutual fund. However, it would be wise in my opinion to do your research, find the undervalued good companies (it's not hard), buy stock in them, forget you even have stocks, and then look at your account in a few years and see how much money you've made.

These are just my opinions. I could be dead wrong. However, if I am wrong, I'll be the guy salting the french fries that you just pulled up out of the vat of oil. Maybe we can carpool to work together to save some money.

John Yam was nice enough to send me a link to an article on the Bloomberg website the other day. He's crazy, but this guy just might be our new hero:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aLmRPHKZLYmY&refer=home

Lahde Quits Hedge Funds, Thanks `Idiots' for Success (Update1)

By Katherine Burton

Oct. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Andrew Lahde, the hedge-fund manager who quit after posting an 870 percent gain last year, said farewell to clients in a letter that thanks stupid traders for making him rich and ends with a plea to legalize marijuana.

Lahde, head of Santa Monica, California-based Lahde Capital Management LLC, told investors last month he was returning their cash because the risk of using credit derivatives -- his means of betting on the falling value of bonds and loans, including subprime mortgages -- was too risky given the weakness of the banks he was trading with.

``I was in this game for money,'' Lahde, 37, wrote in a two-page letter today in which he said he had come to hate the hedge-fund business. ``The low-hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government.

``All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other sides of my trades. God Bless America.''

Lahde, who managed about $80 million, told clients he'll be content to invest his own money, rather than taking cash from wealthy individuals and institutions and trying to amass a fortune worth hundreds of millions or even billions of dollars.

``I do not understand the legacy thing,'' he wrote. ``Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.''

Request for Soros

He said he'd spend his time repairing his health ``as well as my entire life -- where I had to compete for spaces at universities, and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management -- with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not.''

He also suggested that billionaire George Soros sponsor a forum in which ``great minds'' would come together to create a new system of government, as the current system ``is clearly broken.''

Lahde ended his letter with a plea for the increased use of hemp as an alternative source of food and energy that segued into a call for the legalization of marijuana.

``Hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products,'' he wrote. ``Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term.''

`Innocuous Plant'

He added, ``The evil female plant -- marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country.''

Lahde said the only reason marijuana remains illegal is because ``Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other addictive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers.''

Lahde graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in finance and holds an MBA from the University of California, Los Angeles. He worked at Los Angeles-based hedge fund Dalton Investments LLC before founding his own firm two years ago with about $10 million.

Lahde wasn't available for comment. A woman at his firm, who asked not to be identified, confirmed the authenticity of the letter.

To contact the reporter on this story: Katherine Burton in New York at kburton@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: October 17, 2008 16:27 EDT

John also turned me onto http://sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com, a site with pics of market traders and their captions. It's pretty priceless.

Thank god this man’s head was there to deflect the market upward.

Nikkei, please.

The Return

2008-10-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

I am home from Europe and readjusting to life without trains, passports, multi-linguists, and American portions. All in all it was a good trip. We ended up visiting:

Budapest, Hungary
Vienna, Austria
Prague, Czech Republic
Belgrade, Serbia
Rubik, Albania
Dubrovnik, Croatia

As expected, the trip was not without its mix ups and shenanigans but those are all forgivable and make for interesting stories. The only inexcusable event was the white knuckle cab ride from Rubik to Dubrovnik. Our Montenegrin "buddy" named Merlin gave us a ride in his cab from Montenegro to Albania. It was an hour and a half ride filled with loud techno music and excessive speeds on roads barely suitable for the livestock that occupied them. He cut us a "deal" and offered us a ride from Rubik to Dubrovnik, a five and a half hour journey. We accepted and hopped into his cab a few days later. Somewhere in the coastal cliffs of Croatia Merlin proceeded to give me what I hope to be my last near-death experience. Only a miracle of God prevented us from slamming into 4 oncoming vehicles, falling into the Adriatic Sea, or both. John and Cary were fortunate enough to sleep through everything but the screeching tires. I've never had a drinking problem but I'm still considering developing one because the memories of that event still haunt me.

Despite the death-defying cab rides, Albania was an incredible experience. My friend, Stephanie, is a Peace Corps volunteer in the small town of Rubik. I believe that it is the smallest city in the country that has a volunteer in it. The town has only one road in it and most people travel it as a means to get to Kosovo. Rubik is by no means a wasteland, but it is very simple and self sufficient. The people of the town could not have been more welcoming and warm. However, that is what the Albanian people are supposedly known for (that, and killing those who do you wrong). I'm not sure as to the validity of the statement, but we were supposedly that most Americans that have ever been in the city at one time.

Other highlights of the trip include visiting with my brother, Trevor, and seeing old and new friends in Vienna, wandering the streets of my favorite large European city (Prague), seeing the marble constructed tourist destination that is Dubrovnik, and getting a 500 billion dinar note in Belgrade. (I could scan the 50 billion dinar note, but c'mon, who wants to see that worthless piece of crap?)

While the trip was good, it's always nice to come home. I mean what's not to love about coming home to a fearful economy, a jittery stock market, and the Chicago Cubs being the Chicago Cubs and getting swept out of the first round of the playoffs?

(See Jimmy, that’s the New York Stock Exchange. That’s where people traded incredibly convoluted financial instruments that no one really understood until one day the whole thing went BOOM!) *taken from sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com

(Yes, there were pictures taken on our trip. However, none of them were taken by me. As soon as I get some I'll post them.)

PDX Music to Survive the Winter

2008-09-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, I wanted to make you a Muxtape of the Portland bands I've been listening to lately, but my poor little Muxy is involved in some type of lawsuit that has shut down the website.

Oh well, you'll just have to suck it up and listen to this Mixwit tape.

Although I am not a member of the 'Cool Kids Who Make Music' club, I still think I'm a pretty good listener. And don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the old Portland standards (Decemberists, Thermals, Elliott Smith, Menomena.) I'm going to mix it up!

While Garrett is off carousing in Europe, I am at work cleaning up poop and getting wet, snotty kisses. But seriously, I LOVE my job.

I miss all of our visitors and hope somebody will come see me soon. I've been loving hanging out with the Killpack sisters and am so glad they live down the street! Now I'm just waiting for the Cooke sisters and Booth and Christopher to hurry up and get here! Speaking of the Cooke sisters, Christina wrote a fascinating post about her visit to Portland in her travel blog, "Out to See." Here's some photos from her visit.

*BBQ at the Killpack's

*Voodoo Donuts!

Hiking near Mount Adams

As I've looked over our posts from the past, I've noticed that we talk about all the exciting, new things we are doing and how wonderful Portland is. It sounds like our lives are perfect and that we are existing in some kind of utopia. But I really want to be honest and tell you that it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows (or should I say organic produce and bike rides). Moving across the country was alot harder than I thought it would be. I have felt lost and alone at times, and I miss all of my dearest friends and think of you guys every day.

I guess I'm just trying to say that the payoff has been great, but the sacrifice was kind of big too. So don't be down if you feel "stuck" in your town.

Love you guys.
xoxo

*photos by Christopher Bayerle

It's Like European Vacation Without Beverly D'Angelo or Being on Pig in a Poke

2008-09-07T17:28:00.000-07:00

After a month and a half of lovely visitors, I'm checking out of the country for a while. Cary Norton, John Yam, and myself will be trekking across eastern Europe for three weeks beginning Tuesday. Where will we be going? I'm glad you asked. We will be visiting the following countries, perhaps in the following order:

Hungary
Slovakia
Austria
Czech Republic
Poland
Ukraine
Romania
Serbia
Montenegro
Croatia

We will undoubtedly get lost, but as long as the North Star shines brightly each night, we shall find our way.

Here is a clip of how I imagine my time in the Ukraine to go (Substitute "Garrett" for "Rusty"):

I realize that the clip is from the 80's, but my uninformed American mind assumes that eastern Europe is 20 years behind the rest of the civilized world.

What I'm looking forward to the most are 1)Visiting my brother, Trevor, in Vienna 2)Being pounded on by old men the size of bears at the Turkish baths in Budapest 3)Saying I've been to the Ukraine 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)Getting away from a city where it seems like every 10 seconds someone is trying to get you to register to vote, donate to Barack Obama, or save the world via Greenpeace

What I'm looking forward to the least are 1)Body odor 2)Cyrillic languages 3)Gypsies 4)Being in countries where sporadic landmines exist 5)United Airlines charging me $15 to check my bag

Please feel free to call/write/visit/feel sorry for Helen and the cats. I know that I'd miss me dearly if I were gone for almost a month. Also, if you could, please make sure that the Chicago Cubs hold on to win their division so that I can watch them in the playoffs upon my return.

I will return on October 1st with what I expect to be gobs of stories and photos.

Until then,

xoxoGarrettxoxo

J-Hole Digging

2008-08-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

I am back from Jackson Hole! That place is so beautiful. And one of its most thrilling attractions is the lovely Laura Cooke.

I had such a wonderful time laughing, cooking, eating, backpacking, going for walks, seeing buffalo, going to the music festival, buying "friendship rings," making s'mores, going to a terrible bar with terrible bands and terrible drunk people, and basically tearing up the town. She's pretty much my favorite.
Our backpacking trip was so great. It had been awhile since I had hiked some serious elevation. Curiously enough, the only thing it affected was the number of times I had to use the "Poop Shovel." Let's just say I left behind lots of little "mementos" of my stay in the Tetons.

We started one morning and hiked uphill for the first 7 miles. We only had a permit to camp in Upper Paintbrush, which we reached at around 1pm or so... so we got to play, nap, cook, and make s'mores for the rest of the day! Yay!

The next day we hiked the Pass and topped out at about 10,700 ft. It was so cold up there! But incredibly beautiful. After the Pass, the last 12 miles passed by Lake Solitude and some really gorgeous wildflowers.

We saw the cutest bear EVER and an unhappy moose. Apparently, if a moose is mad he grunts, sticks out his tongue, and pins back his ears. Laura snapped the photo and we got out of there as fast as we could. We would rather meet a nice bear than a grouchy moose anyday.

We also went to the Jackson Hole Music Festival. There was lots of peace, love, noodling, and "organic partying" going on. The best of the festival were these guys:

Die Die Die - The Avett Brothers

and Kaki King:

10.Can Anyone Who Has Heard This Music Really Be a Bad Person? - Kaki King

So now it's back to real life, I guess! I started training for work this week. The kids don't come until Sept. 2, but there is alot of work to do! Also, Garrett and I are looking forward to a visit from his parents. They are always so much fun!

Let us know how you're doing! We miss you all.

"What are those nuts up to now?" - Reggie the Reckless, Friday the 13th Part V: The New Beginning

2008-08-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Incredibly, it's now been a month since I last posted and expounded upon Thor's tangle with Baghead. I'm happy to report that there have been no further encounters between the two. However, Thor is still mortified of the sound of a paper bag being crumpled.

Last week we had the pleasure of hosting John Yam and Cary Norton of Atlanta and Birmingham respectively. From the moment they arrived it was a non-stop 7 days of action. Among the highlights:

Going to the old school arcade/bar, Ground Kontrol, to get our fill of classic video games and PBR. Cary, John, and I proceeded in playing and defeating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game. Not to toot my own horn, but a better Donatello has never been played. Helen sat back and watched with stars in her eyes. John and I also got into a heated battle of NBA Jams that took place over a series of days. I lost the series, got a sore wrist, and managed to relinquish all of my possessions and 29th birthday to John. On a happy note, John ran into the girl of his dreams not once, but twice, on two separate visits there. More on her to come.

(John is obviously pleased in our defeat of TMNT. However, my scowl displays my attitude of being the baddest/toughest man in the place at that moment.)

Driving to the Oregon coast and exploring Ecola State Park. The park is located near Cannon Beach where Haystack Rock, the famous rock in The Goonies is located.

While our shot is taken from a little higher up, it's basically the same shot. Ironically, Mikey is supposed to be lining Haystack Rock up in the doubloon in the film but it is actually behind his left shoulder in the scene. It is the big rock in the distance in our shot. There were no sightings of One-Eyed Willy or Sloth. However, there was a man who was convinced he was seeing penguins; flying penguins at that.

Fleshing out a long-lived desire of creating a gaudy hoodie club. John and I have discussed this for a few years now. We decided to start the club after walking into Upper Playground, conveniently located across the street from Ground Kontrol. Cary is also going to be a member of the club once he settles on a design. We are currently accepting new members to our club.

John's hoodie is covered with bottles of malt liquor. Mine is covered with various stock market quotes and had a picture of a bull and bear fighting inside of the hood. I wear it when the market opens each day now. Who needs a power suit?

Going dancing at Holocene. Those of you who know me best know that I don't dance. I don't know what got into me. John proceeded to run into his new obsession for a third time. She is affectionately known as Poofhawk because she was sporting a poofy mohawk-type hairstyle. However, John was dancing with his upper body parallel to the floor too much to strike up much of a conversation. Poofhawk has officially been added to the list of people I'm trying to find. Move over Greg Oden.
Eating more food than what was previously believed to be humanly possible. Seriously, I'm still full. You can learn a lot about a place by the food it serves. After this visit, Cary and John should be able to lead seminars on Portland.

What lies ahead for us now? Helen will be leaving this week for Jackson Hole, WY to visit her friend, Laura. My friends, Laura and Kevin, from Birmingham will be visiting next weekend. My parents, Kurt and Trix-e, will be visiting from Santa Fe, NM the first part of September. Upon their departure I will be leaving for a 3 week trek across eastern Europe with John and Cary. More on that to come.

"Why Portland?"

2008-07-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

We've been asked this question in almost every conversation we've had, it seems. I ran across this video in the Portland Mercury, done recently by MTV. (Who knew they were producing anything besides reality TV shows, right?)
Anyway, I agree with what the bands they interviewed had to say and feel like it sums up alot of the reasons why we're here.

This weekend, most of the smaller bands featured in this video are playing at PDX Pop Now! - a FREE, all ages, local band-only music festival. How cool is that?

So, pack the electric guitar and four cats into your Subaru Outback and find out for yourself. Or you can just get the PDX Pop Now Compilation CD, hole up in your basement, and pretend. (I should work for the Board of Tourism, seriously.)

5 days, 15 hours, 18 minutes and 48 seconds

2008-07-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

...until John Yam and Cary Norton arrive in Portland, Oregon.

We are so excited. Look out cougars, casinos, and Union Jack's.
The next few days will include a cat hair cleanup effort the likes of which Thor, Colle, Vicious, and Butters have never seen. (Cary has cat allergies.) We're hoping Cary's trip to Casa de los Gatos will not kill him but make him stronger.

One of the highlights of the past two weeks was a Saturday spent at the Clackamas River with our friends/neighbors, Joe and Keiko. We fished for trout in a "You catch, we clean" pond. Keiko caught the first fish, Joe was impressed with my worm-baiting skills, and Garrett caught the biggest fish of the day.

After fishing, we went to McIver State Park and cooked our fishies, waded around in the river, and hiked a little bit. What a great day!

We've also been to the International Beer Festival in the Pearl District, had some good pizza at Apizza Scholls, found a great sushi restaurant called Yoko's, and explored some new neighborhoods.

I've been spending lots of time in Laurelhurst Park, enjoying the breezy 80 degree weather and thinking about all you suckers roasting in Birmingham!

In other news, Thor has made a full recovery from the Baghead incident. Good thing, cuz those diapers were getting expensive. Also, there's a shocking development in the Battle for Alpha Cat. Out of nowhere, Vicious enters the picture, popping Butters a good one. Butters gets points deducted for his bloody nose; Vicious makes her Alpha Cat debut.
Butters: 10
Colle: 35
Vicious: 10

Thor vs. Baghead Pt. II

2008-07-07T12:06:00.001-07:00

So, I decided to conduct an experiment a few minutes ago. Given Thor's erratic behavior yesterday, I felt the need to know if he was having a bad urinary day or if he's really afraid of Baghead. I proceeded to place a paper sack over my head and make noises similar to those that I made yesterday. Well, I can now say with 100% certainty that Thor is pee-in-his-pants afraid of Baghead. His stream was even worse today than it was yesterday. He managed to get in on the rug, TV, entertainment stand, window sill, and window shade. I don't know how he managed to get pee everywhere. It's similar to discovering hairs in impossible to reach areas of your shower but worse. Thor is now holed up inside of the box spring in the spare bedroom. God knows when he'll come out. Lesson learned.

Amazingly, I was able to capture a picture of Thor moments ago. I have no idea where he got the "THOR: Big Baby" t-shirt or the diapers, but as you can see, he already stained them. Tsk tsk.

Helen goes to preschool

2008-07-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

Sum - Au
(Portland band we like)

Well, I know you were all worried about me. You can relax now because I GOT A JOB! That's right, I will begin teaching at a preschool/kindergarten that can best be described as "hippie." You guys know that's the way I like things. Some of what I'll be doing with the kids: gardening, baking, singing, talking about 'Mother Earth,' cleaning up 'accidents,' talking about 'respecting each other and ourselves,' feeding them organic vegetarian meals, doing art projects revolving around nature, etc. (you get the idea.)
Anyway, all of this sounds like heaven to me (except the cleaning up accidents part) and I am very excited. The people I'll be working for are really cool, and the preschool is in two old houses within walking distance of our place. Yay! OK, enough shop talk.

Portland is cooling off, so we've been outside enjoying it. We took a picnic to Mt. Tabor to watch the fireworks on the 4th. We went to the Farmer's Market with our lovely neighbors. G. got some big slimy oysters, so he and our neighbor shucked them, ewww. We ate a bunch of food and gazed upon the beauty that is Thor's manhood and had a great time.

Yesterday, G. and I went to see the movie "Baghead." It is made by the people who did "The Puffy Chair," (which I hated) and has the girl from "Hannah Takes the Stairs," which I saw at the Sidewalk Film Festival with Leah last year (and liked).

When we got home from the movie, Garrett snuck up behind me with a bag on his head. I wasn't really phased, so he started walking towards the cats making noises. They all went running, and Thor got so scared that he began peeing and running at the same time. There was a trail of pee from the bathroom all the way under the bed.

So, that's pretty much the most exciting thing happening here at the Oregon Tail. What are you guys up to?

Upcoming events:

Valient Thorr at the Hawthorne on Friday!

2008 US Open Footbag Championship (Footbag = Hackeysack)

Sand in the City (They fill Pioneer Square with tons of sand. There's a sand sculpting contest.)

*There is an internal dispute over the current leader of alpha cat. A suitable resolution involving some type of contest between the two competitors will be devised and reported upon. Until then, Thor unanimously takes the title of "biggest puss."

Hell Is Hot and So Is PDX

2008-06-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This post is rather long. Feel free to listen to the following music while you read/view. The first song is from Frightened Rabbit, who we saw at Holocene not that long ago. The second song is from Islands, another band we watched. Enjoy.

The Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit

Where Theres a Will Theres a Whalebone - Islands

..
Finally some pictures for everyone to enjoy. The top left photo is a shot of our place taken from the cemetery across the street. Our unit is the top one. You can barely notice the barbed wire on top of the cemetery fence that helps keep the walking dead from wandering onto our property and eating our brains. The cemetery houses the graves of many famous historical Portland figures. I don't think that Darrell Glass, Chico George Galaviz, and Margarita Kujan are included in that category, but their headstones show the wide spectrum of headstone ornateness on the property. On a side note, I don't believe that zombie Darrell Glass would eat my brains were he able to bypass the barbed wire. I like to imagine that he would engage me in deep and meaningful conversations about politics, steroids in baseball, and who would win in a fight between a shark and a crocodile.

..

..
These are pictures of the interior of our place. They are (clockwise from the top left): The living room (as viewed from the dining room/kitchen), my office inside the front door (as viewed from the living room), the master bedroom, and the dining room/kitchen (as viewed from the living room).

Since the last update, we had the privilege of a visit by Mr. Robbie Crowley from Birmingham. We showed him Portland for a few days. Activities included food, beer, and some hiking and sightseeing.

..
The above photos are shots from Council Crest Park. It is the highest point in Portland (elev. 1073 ft.) and is located just outside of downtown. On a clear day you can see Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Ranier, Mt. Adams, Mt. Jefferson, and Mt. Hood. It was not a clear day.

..
These are shots of the Columbia River Gorge. The scenic drive starts about 20 or so minutes outside of Portland and continues for about 2 hours. I-84 runs along the southern edge of the Columbia River and is what we drove into Portland on during our initial trek. Washington begins on the northern shore of the river. The gorge is a popular spot for kite and wind surfing due to the stiff breezes that flow through it.

..
Along the gorge on the Oregon side are a couple of different waterfalls. These two are shots from Latourell Falls. Robbie was brave enough to risk wetness and stand near the bottom.

....
These three shots are from Multnomah Falls. It is the second highest continuously flowing waterfall in the nation at 620 feet. You can hike a little more than a mile to the top of the falls, but we opted to hike to the bridge in the middle of the first picture. That is where the second picture was taken. The third picture is of some kids who were enjoying the falls. It is dedicated to John Yam of Atlanta, GA, # 1 Asian.

What visit to Portland would be complete without a visit to Voodoo Donuts? For those of you who know a little about Voodoo Donuts, you probably know what donut this is. For those of you who know Butters, you probably know why his name is on this donut. Enough said.

Another heat wave hit Portland this weekend, with temperatures reaching the 90's again. We have no AC in our place because it normally doesn't get this hot in Portland. Thankfully someone invented box fans and that there is very little humidity in the northwest. Helen and I are making due but the cats are miserable. Colle is the only one smart enough to sit in front of the fans. This is how Thor cools himself off:

What post would be complete without a list of more oddities that have been observed in Portland? The following have been observed/experienced since my last post:

A woman in a thong bikini playing a ukulele in the park by our house
Homeless love quarrels, again at the park
A 70+ year old woman approaching a sunburned "dude",who had just proudly announced to anyone within 20 feet his exploits with the prostitute he just put on the bus, and asking him if he would be so kind as to do the same with her.

With as many homeless/crazy people stories we tell, Portland really is really a respectable and safe town. Maybe I'm just getting used to things or have a low shock value, but I'm taking all of these things in stride. They just make for good stories; at least I hope they do.

Naked jousting bikers and Scientology-hating pirates (another weekend in Portland)

2008-06-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

It's Pedalpalooza in Portland.
In the park near our house, people were doing this:

It's called tall bike jousting, and it looked painful.
People were also running around sans-clothing getting ready for the Naked Bike Ride.
Lucky for them, the weather is finally getting nice! Just in time for a visit from the famous Robbie Crowley. I am excited! I'm hoping to take some little day trips to Wine Country, the coast, and Columbia River Gorge, but we'll see what we can fit in. I'll take some photos, I promise.
We went to the Saturday market this weekend and had a picnic at the Waterfront Park. It was Pride Festival Weekend and Plunderathon, which meant that everyone was dressed up like gay pirates. We also walked over to the Farmer's Market and noticed that some of the pirates had also decided to protest Scientology. The group is called "Anonymous," and they wear these creepy masks that look like this:

Which is even scarier than Tom Cruise doing this. Thanks for the nightmares, guys!
While we were out enjoying the city, the cats were at it again.
Colle: 35
Butters: 20
Colle takes a startling lead, due to winning a bet with Butters. She managed to catch the feather toy first and won 10 alpha cat points.

Last, but not least, The Oregon Tail would like to wish a very Happy Birthday to our dear friend, Kevin Wilder. We love you, Kevin.

R.I.P. August 2007 - June 2008

2008-06-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

You were more than a flavor saver and provider of endless hours of enjoyment; you were also my friend. As Cary Norton's shirt can attest, beards really grow on you.

The following are people/things that I no longer look like:

Jesus

Charles Manson

Rasputin

Osama Bin Laden

Richie Tenenbaum

Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam/Cat Steve Evans

Crazy Homeless Man

Michael J. Fox as Scott Howard in "Teen Wolf"

The West Virginia Mountaineer

ZZ Top

I now look like the following:

Baby's Butt

Listen, remember, reflect. All of these songs say words that I cannot say myself in the style of:

Classic Rock

Pop

Hip-Hop

Southern Living in Portland, Oregon!

2008-06-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

I want to take this opportunity to thank Southern Living for a sushi dinner and for bringing me one of my favorite people EVER, Mr. Seth Newell, cinematographer extraordinaire.
Even though the visit was a short one, it was so great to see a close friend.
That means more of you guys need to get your bums up here.
But BEWARE, there is another strange Portland phenomenon going on:
When Garrett and I first arrived, I got the hives.
They kept getting worse, so I went to the doctor, who brought his laptop into the room with him to show me the 10-page list of reasons I might have hives... very comforting. So, I got steroids, and they went away. Now, SETH has hives! What's the deal???

While Seth was here we did the following:

Mio Sushi
Tube Bar (see photos)
Voodoo Doughnuts
Burgerville

Today I started a Cardio/Weight Interval class at Mt. Tabor Park. It kicked my butt. I am excited about it kicking my butt. It's nice to get to look at gorgeous views of the city while doing pushups. Ow, I'm sore.

Speaking of my butt, I thought about applying for a job on craigslist for a "Backside-blessed Woman for a video," but Garrett informed me that, according to the criteria below, I do not qualify as a "Type 1."

Last, but not least, the battle for alpha cat is getting closer. I give Butters points for eating all the food and managing to corner Colle in the guest bedroom.
Colle: 20
Butters: 15

PRIORITY #1

2008-06-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

Where are you, Greg Oden? Attaining your friendship was my main reason for moving to Portland, yet you are nowhere to be found. Honestly, you're 7 feet tall, how hard should it be to find you in a town of malnutritioned pasty kids with overly tight jeans? Don' make me give my total allegiance to Big Black.

Other things accomplished in the past few days:

Saw the movie XXY and it was XXcrazY; good, but XXcrazY
Drank beers at the Portland Zoo Brew beer fest. Helen recommends the Volksweizen from the fine folks at Rock Bottom Brewery. I was down with the Trumer Pils, handcrafted by some California Austrians at Trumer Brauerei. -->insert lame joke here<-- There were more jackasses at the zoo that night than any other animal I saw.
Volunteered with the Friends of Mt. Tabor to clean the park of invasive plant species. It is now Monday afternoon and I'm still wondering when the work will start. A more suitable name might be the Friends of Mt. Tabor Who Stand and Point Out Poison Oak, Scotch Broom, & Deadly Night Shade Then Uproot a Small Piece of It & Then Congratulate Themselves for a Job Well Done
Started day trading again. There's nothing better than having the choice of working in your underwear. Now I know how Giselle Bundchen feels, minus dating Tom Brady.

Colle vs. Butters - Battle for Alpha Cat

2008-05-27T12:11:00.001-07:00

Now that I am through staring out the window waiting for Garrett to return, I can blog.

I will be keeping you updated on the ongoing "Battle for Alpha Cat: A Colle and Butters Story." So far, I think Colle has thrown the most punches. Butters hasn't flinched, though. He took it like a man.
Colle: 20 points
Butters: 5 points

Here is another Portland-ism that we have encountered:
Instead of just asking you for a dollar, as is customary by the hustlers in Birmingham, we were actually offered a dollar for our leftover pizza and treated to dirty jokes as payment when we refused the dollar.
As a bonus, we got the man's life story which included involvement in the Irish Civil War and publishing two bestselling books, (the proceeds donated to charity, of course).

Other things we've been doing:

-Looking for jobs
-Eating alot of great food
-Drinking local wine and microbrews
-Seeing the Wild Sweet Orange guys play at

 Wonder Ballroom

-Watching Wet Hot American summer at the Mission Theater with a Q&A with Michael Showalter
-Going to lots of parks
-Missing all of you

*Photo taken (via cellphone) at Mt. Tabor Park. I did a little hiking and lounging here while Garrett was in Florida.

A Long Time Coming

2008-05-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

Well, we finally made it. After a journey that included 12 states, 2900+ miles, and 2 chewed-through cat carriers, Helen and I made it to Portland on April 28. What have we been doing in the four weeks since our arrival? The first week and a half was spent with no furniture while I studied for and passed the Series 7 securities licensing exam. The rest of the second week was spent unpacking and arranging our place. I spent the third week in Jacksonville, FL attending the wedding of Mr. James McDonald to Miss Jesse Fritsch, while Helen spent it sitting by and staring out of the window awaiting my return. This past week has been spent getting our ducks in a row and finally settling in to our new home. The cats (Colle, Vicious, Thor, and Butters) have spent the entire time eating and sleeping with the occasional hiss.

Portland has been a great city so far. Everything is very green and beautiful. Roses grow here like weeds. Our apartment is better than we could have imagined and our neighborhood is incredible as well. Everything in the city is relatively close, so we are able to walk most everywhere.

This blog will be used as an outlet for Helen and I to communicate our goings on with everyone not in Portland. We will also use it to share little oddities and quips about Portland and Oregon that we find interesting so that when you come to visit you will not be surprised. We will also be taking and uploading pictures very soon. Until that time comes, you can chew on this little bit of knowledge:

Did you know that it is illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon?

Well, neither did we. The law was passed in the 1950's and is still around today for some reason. Some people say it creates jobs. Others say it prevents people from spilling gas all over the place and blowing themselves up. Whatever the reason, I'm sad to say that if you come to visit, we won't be doing any of this (feel free to fast forward one minute):